crooked as a dogs hind leg

this is how arse about face things have gotten (please note in an attempt to embrace my ever slipping away aussieness i have made a promise to myself that i will bloody well try to include as much australian talk into my on and off line bull crap, as i can muster) when my corker of a mum emailed me this arvo and said 'g'day darling 'ow many bottles o grog do yous want?' i replied with 'oh mother dearest, i really dont care for any liquor at this present time' (or something like that)
it hit me a good couple of hours later that there was once a point on my life when i would have gnawed a tit off (i actually dont call them tits i think it a filthy disgustin' word - i call them boobicles as in icicles, testicles, cubicles) for a big duty free bottle of absolut...alas those tit gnawing days are over.

(fact is a bottle vod is pretty cheap here- so i no longer have to scab duty free off my mama)